In this season of questioning and rediscovering, there has been something (not completely related) that keeps coming to my mind. I’m very quickly approaching 30. It seems so funny to me. It’s always sounded like such a grown up age and I don’t feel like I’m that much of a grown up. Being married for over a decade, having two kids, and now living further than 10 minutes away from my mom hasn’t made me feel like a real grown up so I’m not really sure what will. (I also feel like at some point I should stop saying “grown up” and say “adult” and maybe that will help but who knows ha!)
I realized a few weeks ago as I was thinking about what turning 30 might mean for me that Jesus began his ministry at about that age. This got me thinking, what was Jesus feeling and thinking at age 29 knowing that his whole life was about to be different? How did he feel knowing that he was about to publicize who he was and why he came? What was he thinking and feeling knowing all that was about to be required of him?
Age has always been just a number to me. For the most part, it still is. Somehow, though, 29 has become significant… for multiple reasons. I am trying to feel the weight of what Jesus might have been thinking and feeling as he approached 30. Twenty-nine was the year that my life was upended. Twenty-nine was the year I moved to a different county than the one I’ve been in my whole life. Twenty-nine was the year of unimaginable pain. Twenty-nine was/is the year of questioning and relearning. As 29 begins to come to an end, it is the year I’m getting fresh eyes so I can walk into 30 with new perspective, new appreciation, new grace and compassion, new Chucks (thanks, husband), and a little bit of hope and expectation.