I’ve been a whirlwind of feelings and emotions lately. (No, I’m not pregnant). As an ennegram 4, it’s something I’m used to. It’s something I usually embrace. It’s been a process but I have actually learned to love myself and all my emotions because that they are a part of me – a part of me that I’m grateful for.
There’s been something off about this time though. I feel a lot of things. The thing I feel a lot of as of late is insecure. I don’t like it. I know that pressing into the insecurities can help me get past issues I may not have even known I had and can ultimately help me become a better version of myself. Right now, the only thing I want to do is retreat. I feel my depression trying to take over. I want to isolate from everyone and everything. I feel twinges of pain. I feel confused. I feel like I want to be left alone but I want everyone close.
I have yet to really put my finger on it but I think I’m getting close. There are triggers but there is also body chemistry, things in an unseen realm, and sometimes you’re picking up what other people are putting out. It could be a mixture of any and/or all of the above.
It’s important to pay attention – pay attention to your thoughts, your feelings, the atmosphere around you, your inner world before and after you walk into a room. When things are off, press into it. Sometimes it’s painful, sometimes it’s uncomfortable, and sometimes you’re just exhausted and don’t want to do it, but it’s always beneficial if you can be brave enough to allow yourself to try to figure it out.
Also, we recently saw Avengers Infinity War and I have a LOT of mixed emotions about that too.
Also #2, (yup, I’m making that a thing), do you know your enneagram? I want to know what you are!